Hello Cubicle Buddies!
Hope you are well and enjoying this on again/off again winter we seem to be having.
Things continue to be busy around here but I'm adjusting life to allow for a little more family time and free time. Cutting back on activities for the Spring season is a big one and of course no more kids birthdays (therefore birthday parties to plan) till December again helps a lot.
So, today's subject of choice is my self diagnosis of 'Procrastinating Perfectionist'.
Now, those who know me will see the word 'Perfectionist' and laugh at my delusion....but hear me out...
A while back my sister told me a theory and it 'changed' me! Sometimes just putting a name to what you do can help you figure it out. Or at least accept it.
I've been a procrastinator for years and years....but didn't know why. I didn't want to believe I was lazy because I didn't feel that I was. I am full of good intentions but never seem to follow through but didn't want to believe I was a 'quitter' either. So what was my problem?!
Then my sister tells me this idea that some perfectionists have to have everything in order perfectly (I'm not quoting her but this is the general info) and there are other perfectionists that feel if you can't do something perfectly..then you don't do it at all..or procrastinate. I tell you...the angels were singing, the lights were going off left and right, some imaginary person was V8 bonking my forehead. I had my big 'Aha' moment. It made so much sense!
So my list for today is a few examples of what I do to support this self diagnosis:
1. My basement. I am not a hoarder. However our basement is...well a little (read a lot) full of stuff. All of the kids clothes from the day they were born. All the toys they ever received. Our dishes from when both my husband and I were in school and lived on our own (so that's two sets of dishes). Christmas decorations, off season clothes, broken toys, ripped clothes to be mended...that don't fit any of the kids any more, etc. I do not like how my basement is and I keep thinking 'If I could just have a day to get in there, I could clean it all up and sort through it all and it would be done'. But who has a day to do this...ever? So, I leave it. And it gets worse. And I just keep waiting to find this magic day that will make it all better. BUT with my self diagnosis I realize this is unrealistic for many reasons (Like I seriously think I can fix it in one day?) and that I need to work at it a little bit at a time because that chunk of time will never happen. See? Perfect would be finding a chunk of time to do it all at once and get it done. But realistic is a little bit at a time.
2. Exercise. I go on exercise kicks. I'm great for a week. I go down on the treadmill or put on a step video every night for the designated time and I feel fantastic! It's awesome! Then it's a night where we are out late, or away over a weekend and I didn't do my 'every night' routine. So I mentally give up. I failed. I wasn't perfect at it and so I quit. Dumb right? I'm not actually thinking this in my head of course it just sort of happens. You talk yourself out of it and don't get back into it. But when I self diagnose it's because I wasn't perfect at it. But really, so what that I missed the weekend. There is no reason not to start right back up or just do the nights I can. Some exercise is better then none. Oh silly Tharen
3. Daily routine. I want a daily routine. It would help me. It would help the kids. I can't tell you how many 'daily routines' I have written up over the years. I have tried super detailed routines. I have tried very vague routines. I have tried in the middle of these. I've tried them in Excel format. I've tried them in Word format. I've written them up on my own. Yet I can't seem to follow them. Why? You guessed it. Because I can't do it perfectly. My routine that says 'naptime for Martin' at 11:30am every day gets thrown off the first day we have a play date and he goes down an hour later...or worse he chooses not to nap for my designated 2 hour nap so the stuff to be done when he is napping is all thrown off. Argh! What's the point. So I give up. Because it didn't go perfectly.
4. My blog. I like coming on here and writing. It's a bit of an outlet and documents some of what I'm likely to forget. Sometimes when I'm rocking my little boy to sleep for his nap and my mind is wandering I will think of something and want to blog it. But then I think how long that will take and I won't be able to word it right and then I just...don't. Because it's not perfect. How silly. I'm mostly writing this blog for myself but other people can read it if they want. So if I'm writing it for myself...then what do I care if I word it wrong. Silly Tharen. Then I carry guilt that I haven't written on here since November!
So these are only a few of the MANY examples of my PP. Oh, OK, one more. I want soooo badly to get rid of our cat. We decided back in November that yes, we would set up an ad on Kijiji to see if anyone wants him. He's a great cat. Super friendly. Good with kids. But we are not cat people. This cat needs someone who will love him and give him a lot of attention. So, I've written up the Kijiji ad about, oh, 5 times. But I can't seem to work it just right to explain what I want to say. And then I think what if no one responds and I'm stuck with this cat and I've been so happy thinking we might not have him any more. So because I can't control the perfect ending to my story...I don't post the ad...so I don't know if it ends well or not. Silly Tharen.
So, please wish me luck on my continued journey of beating my PP.
And who knows...maybe I'll blog again sooner if I don't think it has to be perfect!